Welcome to the 4th blog post chronicling my journey as a career voice teacher and singer who was recently diagnosed with vocal fold paralysis. It is a condition that has been coming on for many years, so much so that I stopped performing 5 years ago, but finding out why I literally can not sing any more was just determined.
I have chosen to proceed by looking for magic, rooting out unhealthy personal attitudes in order to heal them, continuing to teach and learn with joy, cultivate more stillness and move forward with my life somehow.
This week’s cat scan of my neck and brain stem went quickly, (results as yet unknown) and I was warned ahead of time, by the technician, of the strange sensations from the intravenous contrast drugs that accompany the procedure. Hot flashes and the sensation of peeing down my leg (just sensations, mind you–not actual pee going down my leg,) accompanied my sojourn into the cat scan machine. I would have gotten out of that place faster if the technician hadn’t decided I was a trustworthy soul to talk to about her upcoming elevation in the ranks of the Daughters of the American Revolution.
My decision to be open to magic and receive help from anywhere lit up this week in rainbows. I felt like I was walking through Willie Wonka’s magic candy land. Ordinary conversations, teaching, cooking, all felt heart-happy. I was able to put things in perspective and see how blessed I am in tons of ways.
I had two lunches with friends. Mindy provided some wonderfully creative solutions to several issues and Kate surprised me with a gift of a pendant containing the gemstones chrysocolla and malachite. According to healing and gemstone lore, chrysocolla is meant to heal the throat chakra and Malchite heals the nervous system.
She even found a bail in the shape of an octopus, which holds personal significance for me!
It was a week of stepping up self-care in a myriad of ways.
Wednesday I began psycho-spiritual counseling. I found it very fruitful. The baby steps toward personal integration took a flying mile forward this week.
I’m actually taking off this week from both physical exercise and the vocal therapy exercises. I’ve put on a some weight this past fall, caring for my mom after she fell, and am giving up worrying about that. Stress over-works the adrenal glands. When they burn out they produce cortosol which collects as fat in the belly. The adrenals have to get back into balance before exercise can burn fat effectively. I have been through healing the adrenals through nutrition and rest before, and I know that works Thanks to Jeanette Maw over at Good Vibe University for reminding me of this.
While I am still exploring options on how to teach some concepts, students don’t seem to mind. It was definately a vibe-raising week.
I am sorry it took this diagnosis to realize that I was not caring for myself in the ways I needed, but it has been one positive outcome. I am still collecting medical information. Having the vocal folds healthy but not able to respond to nerve impulses is a different scenerio than when vocal cords are damaged, like in the highly publicized case of pop singer Adele.
Our daughter, now 20, used to incessantly quote movie lines while she was young. Film characters spoke what she felt, thought and found funny. Recently, the character of Leslie Knope in the TV show Parks and Recreation spoke some lines for me:
No one achieves anything alone. So let’s embark on a new journey together. Let’s break out a map. Not the old out-of-date one that shows where we’ve been, but a crisp new one that shows where we might go.
Onward.
“Let´s break out a map.” I like that, very much. I like all of it.
I am shock to read about what you are going through. However I can tell you are determined to wade through this with some level of control. I will call you and stop by.
Joan.